


I Don't Wanna Love Someboy Else

by wickedlyklaining



Category: No Fandom
Genre: College AU, CrissColfer Big Bang, M/M, crisscolfer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-08
Updated: 2015-10-08
Packaged: 2018-04-25 10:20:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4956580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wickedlyklaining/pseuds/wickedlyklaining
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Chris can't make it to California for the holidays he ends up spending Christmas with his best friend's family and there are three things he is certain about: 1) New York is too cold 2) Darren's family is awesome 3) Faking a relationship with your best to impress her mother is not the brightest plan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Don't Wanna Love Someboy Else

 

_**THE TRIP** _

                                                                                                                                                                      

“Plans for the holidays, go!” Lauren shouts making his way across the living room.

 

“L.A BABY!” Joey shouts back from somewhere in the kitchen.

 

Joey’s answer is followed by Dylan’s and his is followed by Jamie’s and soon the living room is filled with shouted answers that float around forming a sea of incomprehensible words.

 

Chris smiles and shakes his head fondly, wondering how the hell he ended up being friends with all these idiots. It’s rehearsal night, which by the Starkid’s definition only means beer and tons of pizza. Everyone is gathered at Joey and Darren’s apartment forming a circle on the floor, scripts in hand and an eager disposition to rehearse that just fades away in between bottles of beer, funny stories and inappropriate jokes.

 

The place is not big, not even remotely close to big, and Chris wonders how they all managed to squish themselves inside. Maybe it’s the fact that no one inside the apartment has problems with personal space. Sometimes, Chris considers the possibility that they don’t even know what personal space is. He looks around and effectively Julia is sitting on Nick’s lap as they re-write a scene for the new show, Brian and Meredith are a mass of limbs cuddling somewhere near the corner of the room and Denisse is sprawled on the largest couch, her head on Jamie’s lap.

 

Lauren has found a spot next to Chris, and has her head titled to the side, resting on his shoulder. Behind them Darren sits on the little couch that’s tucked on the corner of the living room. He is too tiny to occupy too much space so he can just fit in in any empty space left in the house. As always he has his guitar on his lap and his fingers strum random songs lazily.

 

Chris can’t help but to smile at the random little show Darren is putting for all of them, no one is paying attention, but he still pours his heart and soul into every song, it’s endearing and somehow hypnotizing. It is for Chris at least, because every time he sees Darren like that, inside his own little bubble where the only thing in existence is his guitar and an endless universe of songs to play, no matter how much Chris tries to avoid it, he ends up re-playing his first encounter with Darren over and over inside his head like some kind of home made movie he has stored deep inside his memory.

 

Chris had arrived early for their first dance class. There had been one guy, with a ridiculous big hair and a pair of pink sunglasses, sitting right at the center of the studio, strumming a few chords in his guitar. And that’s how it all started. Chris hadn’t meant to start a conversation, he had been too anxious for that, new school, new city, new life and all that stuff, but the guy had just looked up, smiled and patted the spot next to him for Chris to sit.  That was all it took for Chris to decide that this guy was kind of cool and that it wouldn’t hurt to try and be his friend.

 

Things had been pretty easy at the beginning, Chris had found a new friend, someone who truly cared about him, someone who was constantly texting him and telling him stupid jokes with the sole purpose of making him smile, it was nice, but it was also dangerous because with every encounter Chris felt himself falling a little bit harder for Darren’s contagious smile and bright hazel eyes. Thankfully with Darren’ sparkly personality and Chris’ ability to make sarcastic comments that had people bending in half with laughter, other people came along, Joey, Brian, Meredith and pretty much all the Starkids.

 

Lauren too, cute, tiny Lauren who had managed to read Chris like an open book within only two weeks of knowing each other. Lauren who knew how Chris felt about Darren and never pushed him to do anything about it, not because she didn’t believe there could be something, but because she was sure Chris and Darren weren’t idiots and they would work it out somehow.

 

But then too much time passed and Chris fell into the ‘best friend’ zone. He already cared too much which lead him to fear too much as well. He couldn’t tell Darren about how he felt, it was too risky, it was practically putting their friendship at stake.

 

What if Darren didn’t feel the same? _What if things went wrong? What if Chris screwed it up and lost one of his best friends?_ Chris was not willing to go through something like that.

 

So after a two hour long conversation with Lauren and a whole night for him just to think and gather the courage, Chris had decided to put a stop to his stupid crush for Darren and move on. He had cried for a few days, sometimes alone in his dorm and sometimes in Lauren’s apartment while eating too much ice cream. It had been a little pathetic but necessary.

 

The first few days after taking the decision, Chris had tried to avoid Darren at all costs, in fear of looking at that stupid smile of his and forgetting all about the “get over him” plan as Lauren had named it, but it had been impossible because Darren considered Chris his best friend just as much as Chris did with Darren, and after a few texts asking if he was mad or if he had done something wrong and a picture attachment of a pouty Darren, Chris had given in. They had ended up having dinner at a little restaurant near campus. Darren had been weary and worried at first but with a reassuring smile and a tight hug from Chris everything had just gone back to normal.

 

Sometimes Chris regrets his decision, he often finds himself thinking about what could have been if he had gathered the courage to be honest with Darren. He tries to shake those thoughts out of his head as much as possible.

 

“What about you Colfer? Plans for the holidays?” Lauren asks, her voice startling Chris a little bit.

  
“I’m staying here” Chris simply says as he takes a sip of his beer.

 

The guitar strumming that had been lulling almost everyone in the room stops abruptly.

 

“What?” Darren asks, eyes wide opened, hand frozen over the strings of the guitar.

 

Chris turns his head in an awkward angle to catch a glimpse of Darren’s face “I’m staying here” he repeats

 

“I think he heard the first time honey, he just wants to know why” Lauren pats him on the knee and smiles sweetly

 

Darren nods forcefully; he sets his guitar aside and slides off the couch to sit on the empty spot next to Chris.

 

“Well, let’s just say we’re a little short on money, and I already took a flight for Thanksgiving, so, another one for Christmas is definitely off the table”

 

Lauren huffs and frowns “That sucks”

 

“Yeah man,” Darren breathes out “It’s Christmas, you can’t just stay here, I mean, what about your parents? They must be devastated”

 

“They were a little thrown off” Chris says sadly, he had been the one to tell his parents not to worry about him, that he would find a way to spend Christmas with someone in Michigan, he had lied of course, but Chris wasn’t dumb, he knew how much money his parents had been spending lately on Hannah’s medicines and he didn’t want to stress them even more with his things. ”I think they’ll get over it” Chris jokes but the smile that curves his lips is not entirely genuine.

 

Chris can feel Lauren and Darren staring intently at him, waiting for more explanation about his exciting holiday plans but he is not in the mood for talking so he just leans back and rest his head against the couch, closing his eyes to try dissipate the noise surrounding him. He is starting to doze off when a hand comes up to shake his shoulder gently. It’s Darren, with his big, shiny eyes and with a smile that can only mean one thing. He has an idea and not necessarily a good one.

 

“You’ll come with me” he simply says and his smile grows wider.

 

“What?”

 

“Come with me to New York! It’ll be amazing Chris, my mom really likes you, I’m pretty sure she’ll love to have you for Christmas!”

 

“Darren-”

 

“No, no, no” Darren cuts him off and puts a finger over Chris’ lips “It’s decided. Everybody wins, you won’t spend Christmas alone and I won’t have to miss you for two long ass weeks!”

 

Chris does his best to ignore the last part of Darren’s little speech and looks down at where Lauren had settled at some point, her head on his lap. Chris waits for any sign that shows she is just as surprised and amused by Darren’s plan. But Lauren is Lauren so she just smirks and winks at him “Sounds good to me”

 

Chris looks up back to Darren, but he is already back on his original position on the couch, his fingers back to playing lazily with the strings of his guitar.

 

* * *

 

It had seemed like a good idea at the moment. A nice trip with a friend, good music a few snacks and a beautiful sight to admire outside the window. Even though it had taken Chris a few days to actually accept Darren’s offer he had to admit that the idea of spending his holidays with his best friend in a city he had always died to meet, had sounded actually appealing.

 

However, now Chris feels that maybe he should have thought about it twice. Because they have been a little over four hours on the road and he is already feeling a little bit claustrophobic. He looks to the side with the hope to see that Darren is just as annoyed as him, he is a five year old after all, and how long can a five year old stay still during a trip? Darren’s smile, however, is just as big and bright as always. He is tapping his fingers against the wheel to the beat of a Taylor Swift song and his curls bounce lightly with the movement of his head.

 

“You’re giving me a headache” Chris grumbles and rolls his eyes.

 

Darren smirks “Someone’s in a bad mood”

 

“Well yeah, you dragged me out of my perfectly comfortable bed at 6AM, that’s inhuman” Chris yawns loudly and rolls his eyes “See? I can’t even keep you good company”

 

Darren chuckles “You can take a nap weepy” he says, his right hand leaving the wheel briefly to pat Chris’ knee “I’ll wake you up when it’s your turn to drive”

 

“So, in like thirty minutes?” Chris says a bit annoyed checking his watch and re calling his pact with Darren to shift turns every five hours.

 

“Oh come on, I’ve seen you taking 10 minutes naps in class, you can make 30 minutes work”

 

Darren yelps when Chris punches him in the arm “You suck”

 

“If I suck so much, why did you accepted to come with me then?” the corners of Darren’s mouth stretch into a mischievous smile. Chris still feels mad but for some reason he smiles back.

 

“Because I find New York fascinating”

 

“So you’re just using me to get to New York?” Darren pouts. He fucking pouts and it’s so ridiculous that Chris has to look away, partly because he doesn’t want to laugh at Darren and also because Darren’s pout has a weird effect on him, an effect that includes him wanting to pat Darren’s head and say ‘good boy’ because sometimes Chris has the firm believe that his friend is actually 50 percent puppy.

 

“Yes” he says looking out the window “Once we get there, forget about me. I’ll find some cute New Yorker to tour around with” Chris says teasingly.

 

“You wouldn’t” Darren shakes his head forcefully and turns his head to look at Chris “You would miss me horribly”

 

Chris snorts “Modesty much?”

 

“You know it’s true” Darren winks and Chris wants to punch himself because his cheeks are starting to burn a little bit.

 

“Wow, so sexy” Chris teases back and reaches a hand out to ruffle Darren’s curls playfully.

 

“You’re evil Christopher” Darren says but allows Chris’ hand to play with his hair a little bit longer “You make fun of me when I’m trying to seduce you”

 

Chris smiles.

 

It’s like this with Darren. He has no boundaries when it comes to personal space and even though Chris is a little bit more careful with his personal space bubble he isn’t bothered when Darren drapes an arm around his shoulder while walking to dance class or when they’re watching a movie at Chris’ dorm and out of nowhere Darren tackles him down to the couch with a bone crushing hug. It’s something natural in their friendship; its not awkward or forced and Chris has to admit that having this kind of closeness with someone is pretty amazing.

 

He plays a few more seconds with a pair of rebel locks falling over Darren’s forehead before retreating his hand. Darren groans and the smile of his face disappears.

 

It is back thought after just a few seconds because Chris gives in to Darren’s pleading look and starts playing with the little curls at the base of his neck, Darren sighs in contentment.

 

“I’m so glad you agreed to this” Darren whispers and his smile is so open and honest that Chris has to look away.

 

“I’m glad too”

 

 

_**NY AND LIES** _

 

They arrive to New York the next day a little past four and Chris not only feels relieved because he will be getting out of the car very soon but because the sight of the city is quite distracting and beautiful. The tall buildings they pass when entering the city look pretty much like the ones you find in Michigan, nothing too different from what Chris is used to, but then they make it to Time Square and Chris’ is definitely mesmerized.

 

Darren drives around, avoiding the shortcuts that take them directly to his house on purpose, just so Chris can see a little bit more of the city. The normal drive that would take him home in 15 minutes turn into a whole hour of just driving around, Chris pointing at places he finds interesting and making notes to visit them later in the week. At 5:30 Darren can hear his stomach growling and feels thankful when he receives a text from Chuck telling him how his mom is waiting anxiously and how she doesn’t want to eat until they get there, because that forces them to stop sightseeing and actually go home.

* * *

 

The Criss residence is big but not intimidating at all. It must be something about the city, Chris thinks. Almost all the houses are big, but they all seem cozy too. As the car approaches and Darren points a house at the end of the street Chris realizes Darren’s house, despite being one of the biggest, is not an exception.

 

Chris opens the door of the car, he is so eager to stretch his legs and give his butt a break from all the sitting that he completely forgets about putting on a coat, or a scarf or anything that can actually shield him from the cold. He’s about to leave the car when a cold breeze of hair hits his face, and that it’s enough to make him shiver.

 

“Woah, hold it there cowboy, you’re going to freeze” Darren exclaims and grabs Chris’ arm gently to stop him. “Hold on, I’ll get your coat” Chris doesn’t even have time to stop him because Darren is quick to put on his own coat , that for some reason was already out of his bag and on the backseat, and jump out the car.

 

Chris waits patiently until Darren comes back, not only his coat in hand but a ridiculous green scarf with a Christmas tree pattern on it.

 

“Here” he says and wraps it around Chris neck before he can protest “Don’t want you to get sick on Christmas, right?”

 

Chris body shivers again, but of course Darren’s fingers gently brushing his neck as he puts the scarf in place is not the reason. Or at least that’s what Chris wants to believe.

 

The door of the house creaks open as Chris and Darren take out their respective bags from the trunk. Darren’s face lightens up instantly when he sees his mother rushing towards them.

 

“You made it” she says and pulls both boys in for a tight hug. Chris is a bit shocked but after a few seconds he gives in and hugs her back awkwardly with one arm.

 

The hug lasts a little bit more than it should but Chris cant complain, not only because he really likes Darren’s mom but because the smile Darren has on his face, and that Chris can’t stop staring at over Cerina’s shoulder, is probably the most beautiful and genuine one he has ever seen on him. Chris stares a little bit too long, because Darren notices and frowns before smirking.

 

“Let them breath” another familiar voice comes from the door. Chris looks up and sees Chuck walking down the steps of the porch.

 

“Oh, Charles, I’ll hug your brother as much as I want” she protests pulling away, a soft smile tugging at the corners of her mouth

 

“Yeah, but I’m sure Chris doesn’t want to get squeezed to death” he adds and pats Chris on the shoulder “Nice to see you again man”

 

“You too” Chris smiles, the nervousness of that first time he had met Chuck at one of Darren’s birthday parties, starts to creep back and suddenly he is at lost of words, thankfully Chuck has no problem with starting out a conversation.

 

“How was the ride?” He asks and turns around gesturing for Chris to follow. He isn’t sure if he should, because Darren is still standing by the car, her mother is kissing him repeatedly on the cheek and from what Chris can overhear she is telling Darren how much she had missed him, it’s so intimate that following Chuck is definitely the best option.

 

“It was long” he answers catching up with Chuck at the stairs “Your brother doesn’t know how to shut up, does he?”

 

Chuck shakes his head and laughs, “He definitely doesn’t”

 

When Chris steps into the house following Chuck, he can’t help but to feel like he is intruding into a very special and personal part of Darren’s life. What catches his attentions first is the great amount of pictures scattered all around the spacious living room. There are few dozens on a table next to the window and a few more occupying two quarters of the chimney shelf.

 

Chuck excuses himself and heads to the kitchen to get everyone something to drink. Chris takes the opportunity to call home and to tour a little by himself. He walks around peeking at the pictures of Cerina and his husband and at the ones of Chuck, they’re all nice and sweet but not quite what Chris is looking for.

 

The first picture he sees of Darren is at the very center of the table. A probably nine-year-old Darren is smiling widely, one of his front teeth is missing and he is holding a guitar that is a little bit too big for him. Chris can’t help but grin. The little kid in the picture holds that look of excitement that Chris has grown so fond of watching on Darren’s face. That look that Chris doesn’t allow himself to think about too much because it takes him to dangerous places and makes him question things that are better off hidden in deepest parts of his mind.

 

Chris walks around the living room at least twice before Darren and his mom are back, he looks up from the last picture he had picked up just in time to see them walk in, he wants to ask Darren what took them so long but the look on his face makes him forget about it. Darren’s eyes are wide opened, his mouth twitched into a weird and awkward grin and there’s a dark shade of pink coloring his cheeks.

 

“Chris dear,” Cerina says sweetly, approaching Chris before he can walk up to Darren and ask him what’s wrong “You must be exhausted” she pats him gently on the cheek “Come on, we’ll have dinner and then you both can go upstairs and settle down, okay?”

 

Chris nods.

 

The feeling of being welcomed with open arms by Darren’s family is a bit overwhelming, and also a bit scary. Chris knows there’s no reason to be nervous, Daren’s parents had always made sure to assure him how happy they were about Darren and him being friends, and Chuck seemed to genuinely like him, also it isn’t like Darren is introducing him as a boyfriend or anything, if that were the case Chris is sure his levels of paranoia would be over the clouds.

 

Thankfully that’s not the case.

 

“Actually mom” Darren interrupts taking a few steps closer to Chris and his mother “I think we can take our bags upstairs now, it won’t take long” Chris finally looks back at Darren, his smile is back to neutral but his voice still has a hint of something Chris can’t quiet put his finger on.

 

“Are you sure?” she asks taking a step back and looking back and forth from Darren to Chris.

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Darren waves a hand mindlessly in the air and then out of nowhere he takes the final two steps that were separating him from Chris and puts an arm around his waist before leaning in and kissing his cheek “Right, babe?”

 

Chris feels his heart stopping for a moment. His breath hitches and his eyes go wide. Yeah, he knows Darren is a cuddle whore, and yeah they are very touchy feely with one another, but this is pushing it too far, this is too intimate, and Darren’s mom is there, smiling, why the hell is she smiling? And, why the fuck is Darren doing this? Chris heads is a sea of thoughts but before he has a chance to voice them, Darren is retreating the hand that was draped around his waist and lacing their fingers instead. “Come on, I’ll show you my room”

 

And just like that Chris is being pulled upstairs.

 

* * *

 

“She thinks what?” Chris asks, his voice going a little bit weak. He looks down at Darren, sitting on his bed, legs crossed and hugging a pillow close to his chest. (At any other moment Chris would have found it cute, but now he only wants to snatch that pillow from Darren’s arms and hit him repeatedly in the head with it.)

 

Darren takes a deep breath and rubs a hand over his face. “She thinks we’re dating” he answers for the third time in the last ten minutes.

 

_Oh shit._

 

“How?” Chris croaks out, he is feeling too confused and lost to ask anything else at the moment.

 

“Maybe because I told her” Darren admits looking down at the pillow, like if looking at Chris is too hard at the moment “Well, not exactly, we were talking outside and then she mentioned how cute we looked together, I didn’t understand the meaning of ‘together’ until she mentioned us staying _together_ in my room” Darren looks down for a moment and Chris swears he sees him blushing “And then it hit me and I was going to tell her we’re just friends but…” he stops for a moment because he knows the next part will make Chris want to punch him in the face.

 

“But?”

 

“But, Chris, I didn’t have the heart to correct her. You should have looked at her, she looked so happy and excited and she really, really likes you”

 

“Darren…”

 

“I know, I know, it’s stupid”

 

Chris takes a deep breath to calm himself down, he is pretty sure Darren feels bad enough, and it’s Christmas after all, so he can at least try not to kill Darren this time.  He reluctantly stops pacing around the room and sits on the edge of the bed, he reaches a hand tentatively to pat Darren’s knee  “It’s not, it’s a little bit weird but not stupid”

 

Darren raises his eyebrows “It isn’t?”

 

Chris laughs and shakes his head “Of course not, have you seen me?” he gestures towards his body and winks.

 

Darren grabs the pillow and throws it right at Chris face. “Asshole” he mutters.

 

The pillow misses Chris head and lands on the vanity behind him.

 

“You really suck at throwing things” Chris comments smirking.

 

Darren laughs and for a moment Chris just wants to forget about all the “boyfriends” shit, he jut wants to worry about having a good time with his best friend in New York. He can’t though, so he lets the laughter die on his lips and speaks up again.

 

“You have to tell her the truth Dare”

 

Darren shakes his head forcefully “No”

 

Chris is definitely not expecting that, so he narrows his eyes and stares at Darren in disbelief.

 

“What? Darren, she’ll understand”

 

“She’ll be disappointed”

 

“Yeah, maybe a little but –“

 

“It’s Christmas!”

 

“And?”

 

“We can’t let her down on Christmas!”

 

“Darren”

 

“Chris”

 

_Aaaand there’s the pout again._

Chris remains silent. There are too many things to think about. Things he shouldn’t even be considering because they are just ridiculous.

 

“No” he says firmly, not sure if he is trying to convince Darren or himself.

 

“Chriiiiiiiiis” Darren whines.

 

Chris rubs his temples. He breathes in and out a few times before looking at Darren “You want us to fake-date” he states, trying to understand what the hell Darren is trying to do. Darren nods. “For a whole week?”

 

“Only four days. Consider it a way of bonding”

 

“You’re an idiot” Chris bites his lip and groans in frustration “And I know this won’t end well”

 

Darren’s face lightens up, that can only mean one thing “So, you’ll do it?”

 

Chris allows himself to reconsider his choices. He could just say no and let Darren fix his own mess, or he could be a decent best friend and help Darren out with whatever this is. Chris lets out a long sigh to let Darren know how much he is regretting this already “Fine, only because I like your mom”

 

Chris has not time to process what is happening because Darren is quick to lean in and wrap him up in a tight hug.

 

“God bless you Christopher”

 

“You owe me big time, mister” Chris reprimands but allows himself to relax in Darren’s arms, he hooks his chin over Darren’s shoulder and closes his eyes.

 

“That’s okay” Darren’s soft and warm puffs of breath hit Chris’ neck, and it’s more relaxing that he’d like to admit “I can pay you in sexual favors”

 

Chris laughs out loud and shoves Darren away “Fuck you very much”

 

* * *

 

They settle for sharing the few empty drawers left in Darren’s room. There’s not too much space so they each take one for underwear and socks-Chris is thankful for that- and the two remaining end up as a mixture of grey, white and black t-shirts contrasting against red, green and purple ones.

 

“I’m sorry about the space” Darren says as he hangs a pair of jeans inside the closet “I swear I checked the rest of the drawers, but they’re all filled with Christmas stuff my mom doesn’t use anymore”

 

Chris chuckles and turns around, he leans against the vanity where he had previously been cleaning up the mess the pillow Darren threw at him had caused “Why?”

 

“Well if you leave this house, you either come back soon enough to claim back your room, or you stay away long enough for it to become whatever my parents want” he frowns and purses his lips “I’m surprised they don’t have a homeless-hippie guy living here already”

 

Chris leaves his spot by the vanity and walks towards the closet “They had you for 18 years, I’m pretty sure that’s enough of hippie guys for them”

 

After fifteen minutes they’re all settled down and ready to go downstairs. Well, maybe not so ready. Despite all the jokes and teasing Darren had been throwing at Chris while putting their stuff in order, he still feels anxious.

 

He had managed to forget about the whole “boyfriends” thing for a while, that was until Darren’s mom had knocked on the door an peaked inside the room to tell them dinner was ready, her cheerful voice and the huge smile on her face dragging Chris back to reality.

 

He decides that it’s better if they set a few simple rules for this stupid little show they’re about to put on, because he is a professional and if they’re going to do this, then they’re going to do it right.

 

Darren insist on creating a long, cheesy story about how they got together, a whole plot that includes a romantic dinner, Darren serenading Chris with Joey and Brian as back ups and dressed up in tuxes and pigeons being freed as soon as they had their first kiss. Naturally, Chris refuses and they end up with a simpler version that only includes the romantic dinner and a nice walk in the park. It’s all made up, and Chris obviously knows it, but it’s nice to think about and he maybe puts a little bit too much of effort in creating the perfect scenario inside his head.

 

The second time Darren’s mom calls them they are already halfway down the stairs and with a whole strategy planned.

 

“So, no kisses and no improvising” Chris reminds Darren just in case he hadn’t been clear enough earlier “Okay?”

 

“Okay” Darren breaths out “I should be holding your hand right now though” he whispers before they reach the last step. He isn’t asking, or suggesting, he has already made the decision and within seconds he is reaching out to grab Chris’ hand.

 

“Uhm, yeah…sure” Chris mutters stuttering a little bit, he blinks rapidly looking down at their hands. Darren’s skin is a bit darker and contrasts perfectly against Chris’ pale hand, his grip is tight but gentle and to Chris’ that’s enough to want to turn and run away, because it feels right, and safe and it is so, so wrong because he can’t allow himself to feel like that again, because the simple touch of Darren’s hand shouldn’t feel so right.

 

Darren–who after the past two years has mastered the arte of understanding Chris Colfer without spoken words- can sense the tension taking over Chris body. He squeezes his hand lightly and shots him a reassuring smile. “You okay?”

 

Chris looks up to find Darren studying his face carefully.

 

Chris takes a deep breath. He can do this.

 

He nods “Yeah, let’s go” Darren grins widely and tugs at Chris’ hand leading the way to the dinning room _._

* * *

Dinner goes according to plan. Darren’s father arrives just when they’re about to start, so they have to wait to say the respective hellos before they can actually eat. Chris is pretty sure Chuck wants to kill him and Darren just for that.

 

It’s been a while since Chris has had a proper home made dinner, so he devours half of his plate without saying a word, trying not to focus on the awkward silence hanging over their heads. Or maybe it is just over his head, because apparently he is the only awkward and silent human being sitting at the table because across from him Darren’s parents are chatting animatedly and next to him Darren is already engaged on a passionate conversation about some band with Chuck.

 

Chris considers himself lucky about the lack of attention from Darren’s parents. This whole relationship thing is hard enough as it is, he doesn’t need the pressure of impressing the ‘in laws’ on top of that.

 

So he is happy to stay in his own safe little bubble where he listens, nods and keeps eating.

 

That safety though, is soon ripped apart and away from Chris’ grasp when Cerina starts talking directly to him.

 

“I hope you enjoy the food, darling” she says sweetly looking back and forth from Chris to her son. “I’m pretty sure you guys haven’t been eating enough lately” her gaze has a tint of concern and it’s so endearing Chris can’t help but smile.

 

He nods “Everything is delicious.” he says nervously, studying every word he is about to say before it comes out of his mouth “I miss having home made dinners, this is one hundred times better than what they serve at the cafeteria”

 

“Ugh, I know” Darren says as he chews a piece of turkey “Remember that apple pie they served the other day?”

 

Chris chuckles “Yeah, poor Lauren, it tasted so bad I think she’ll be traumatized for life”

 

Darren laughs throwing his head back and squinting his eyes “Yeah, maybe we should get her one of those for her birthday”

 

Chris rolls his eyes and punches Darren’s arm playfully.

 

It is not something planned or anything, it is not even remotely romantic, it is just a small gesture, one that he tends to do every time Darren says something dumb or inappropriate, which is like fifty percent of the time; it’s normal and friendly but still, Darren’s mom has this weird adoring expression on her face as she watches them interact and Chris notices right away that Darren wasn’t wrong, she is actually happy about the whole dating thing.

 

Chris smiles shyly, and looks back down to his meal.

 

Thankfully Darren, who at some point noticed his mother’s eyes on them, is there to shift the attention to something else.

 

“Talking about Lauren” he says a little too loud and turns his head to look at Chuck “She asked me to say hi to everyone” Darren’s parents nod and smile, then Darren adds “Specially you bro”

 

Chuck chokes on his drink and Darren starts laughing hysterically.

 

“Oh my god…it never gets old”

 

It takes Chuck at least two minutes to be able to breathe properly again. “Asshole” he mutters.

 

“Charles, you might be and adult and have your own life now, but I’m not letting you use that vocabulary at the table”

 

Chuck glares at Darren while muttering bitterly “Sorry, mom”

 

“You have a crush on Lauren? Why didn’t I know of this?” Chris asks partly thankful for the distraction but mostly intrigued by the new information he just received.

 

Darren nods and pats his brother’s shoulder “Yeah, Charles here couldn’t stop fussing about her for a whole summer.”

 

Chris chuckles. He wants to ask about it, and dig deeper into whatever story Chuck and Lauren had but he can see Chuck’s cheeks turning pink and he decides that maybe asking would not be very nice of him, Darren is teasing him enough already.

 

“Okay, first of all” Chuck drops his fork and turns his whole attention towards Darren “That was like one year ago, get over it” Darren shakes his head no and smirks. “And secondly, I’m not the one who should be doing the talking or answering questions. What about you two, love birds? Shouldn’t you explain us something?”

 

Chris can feel the color draining from his face. He had been trying to avoid this exact situation so hard and now without any warning here it is, smacking him in the face.

 

He feels Darren tensing a little bit next to him, which isn’t good because it means the question caught him off guard as well. He manages to recover quickly though because before Chris knows it Darren is already talking.

 

“There’s not too much to tell” he says and turns his head to look at Chris “I think it was just a matter of time.”

 

“How’s that?” Chuck asks.

 

“Well,” Darren looks down for a few seconds, his hands playing nervously with the end of the tablecloth. He doesn’t want to put Chris through this, and he definitely doesn’t want to keep lying but he can’t just ignore the question either. He already got himself-and Chris-into this mess and they have to go with it until the end of the week. Darren decides that the sooner he answers, the better.

 

“When I first met Chris” he starts, pushing aside every thought of guilt that is overflowing his mind, he can deal with those later. “I knew there was something special in him and as the days passed we became closer and closer and I realized that I hadn’t been wrong because” Darren takes a deep breath and grabs Chris hand “He is special”

 

Chris can’t bring himself to say anything, his head is a mess and forming a coherent sentence at the moment is not something he finds himself able to do. Thankfully Darren keeps talking.

 

“And then a few weeks ago, we were watching a movie” Chris smiles and nods trying to follow Darren’s lead “Mulan to be exact and” Darren’s turns his head and meets Chris’ gaze “I don’t know” he smiles shyly “I just looked at you, and you were so… _you_ ”

 

There’s complete silence in the room, except for Darren’s voice and the noise of a few cars passing by.

 

“And I couldn’t help it anymore so I asked you out” Darren finishes.

 

“That you did,” Chris says laughing lightly “Dinner and a walk in the park, very classy”

 

“You forgot about the pigeons”

 

Chris rolls his eyes but smiles. ”Shut up”

 

“Oh boys.” Cerina whispers and gives them a watery smile.

 

From the corner of his eye Chris can see Darren’s dad smiling widely and when he looks back to Chuck even he seems moved by the whole story. Chris feels like the worst person in the world for lying to them like that. But there’s nothing he can do anymore. He already agreed, they’re already doing this and there’s no turning back.

 

Darren keeps the act; he smiles and gives Chris’ hand a little squeeze.

 

Chris forces his lips into a smile, ignoring the weird and sudden pain that’s starting to burst inside his chest.

 

* * *

 

After dinner nobody complains when Darren offers to do the dishes. Chris being the amazing fake boyfriend he is, volunteers too. Darren’s parents hug them both tightly before heading towards the stairs. Chuck pats Chris on the shoulder, hits Darren on the head and follows his parents.

 

Chris is thankful to see the room finally empty.

 

Once he is sure no one can hear him, he lets out a long sigh.

 

“You are without a doubt the cheesiest man alive” he says and bangs his head on the table “I almost cried with that speech”

 

Darren grins wickedly “Well, I was doing my job Colfer, because I happen to be a professional.”

 

“Oh, really?” Chris raises an eyebrow and tilts his head “ What? Did you want me to get all sappy too?”

 

Darren shakes his head “That won’t be necessary. I can be the sappy one in this relationship”

 

“Good” Chris says smiling.

 

“You can be the sarcastic one” Darren says as he stands up and stretches his arms over his head. “Or the sexy one. Your choice”

 

Chris smirks “You know I can be both”

 

“Yeah, of course I know that”

 

Together they carry everything back to the kitchen. It’s late and the idea of having to wash and dry everything doesn’t sound good, but going back to Darren’s room alone it’s definitely not something Chris wants to do so when Darren offers him an opportunity to leave and go to bed, he gladly refuses.

 

“I can help you. We’ll finish faster.” Chris assures.

 

“Oh why, thank you Christopher”

 

“You’re very welcome, sir” Chris says bowing playfully before heading to the counter to grab a cloth.

 

Darren laughs and steps aside making room for Chris to stand next to him and in front of the sink. The kitchen is quite big and they could work perfectly without the need to have their shoulders pressed together, but they do this often enough in Darren’s tiny kitchen and standing close to each other is a habit they’ve fallen into over the past two years. A habit Chris is not willing to change at the moment.

 

It’s a bit distracting though and it takes every ounce of concentration Chris can manage not to drop something.

 

“You’re quiet” Darren comments after just a few minutes in which both manage to fall in a perfectly-synchronized rhythm of wash and dry.

 

“I’m just thinking” Chris answers softly, his eyes glued to the window in front of him. It’s nice to just get lost in the dancing lights coming from the countless buildings surrounding Darren’s neighborhood, specially now that Chris feels as though his head is about to explode with all the overthinking he is doing.

 

“I’ve tried that, it’s too hard” Darren jokes and his laugh causes Chris’ lips to twist into a small smile.

 

“Don’t work too hard on it, maybe it’s not your thing.” He teases and grabs the plate Darren is giving him.

 

Darren stills his soapy hands and turns his head to look at Chris, he is sure a very good and extremely witty come back had been on the tip of his tongue but it dies as soon as his eyes fall on Chris.

 

Chris’ eyelashes fan gently over his cheeks every time he blinks and his frame is slightly illuminated by the streetlights coming through the window. Darren shouldn’t be staring, but he is, and his brain won’t function properly enough to make him look away.

 

“What?” Chris asks frowning once he catches Darren’s eyes on him.

 

Darren shakes his head “Nothing” he smiles coyly and looks away “What were you thinking about?”

 

Chris considers telling him everything that is bugging him. How weird the whole dinner conversation turned out to be, how awful of them is to be lying about something so important, and mostly how Darren’s words had touched a very delicate part of him, a part he usually doesn’t acknowledge because he just isn’t used to. That romantic, sappy, stupid side of Chris that still holds the hope to hear Darren’s words but in a very different scenario, not necessarily from a different person, but definitely not over dinner and with three pair of eyes watching them.

 

He tries to hide that side of him very often but being honest Chris loves that side. He loves romance, he admires it actually and he does want to fall stupidly, foolishly and deeply in love with someone at some point and he wants that someone to reciprocate those feelings, he doesn’t want fake speeches and acted out moments. He wants something real.

 

Those are things Chris is not willing to discuss at the moment, or in any moment in the near future, especially not with Darren. Maybe one day he will, after he has had at least two glasses of wine, two beers and a shot of vodka.

 

For now he just shakes his head and tears his eyes away from Darren. “Nothing important”

 

Darren doesn’t push; he just nods and mutters a soft ‘okay’ before getting back to work.

 

* * *

 

It’s almost midnight when they head back to Darren’s room. The rest of the house is completely quiet so they walk in complete darkness and silence, bumping against each other every now and then before finally reaching the room.

 

“Okay, just let me grab a few things and I’ll be outta here, okay?” Darren whispers as he pushes the door open.

 

Chris is about to follow when Darren’s words dawn on him. He obviously hadn’t been expecting to sleep with Darren or anything but he was pretty sure the one sleeping in another room or on the couch would be him, not Darren. Chris stays still, his feet refusing to move any further “Where are you sleeping?” he blurts out.

 

“I’ll take the guest’s room” Darren answers mindlessly as he rummages through the drawers for a t-shirt.

 

Chris shakes his head “No way.”

 

“Uhm, yes way” Darren rolls his eyes and disappears through the bathroom door, he is back after a few seconds with his teeth brush.

 

“No. I’ll take the guest room,” Chris says firmly “This is your house and I’m the guest, I think it’s pretty obvious what we have to do here” he finally walks into the bedroom and starts digging in the drawers too. It’s too late and he’s too tired to be having this kind of conversation so he’ll try to change Darren’s mind as quick as possible.

 

Darren chuckles and allows himself a moment to just admire the force that Christopher Colfer is when he has something set in mind. Darren drops his stuff on the bed before stepping closer to him. He grabs Chris’ arm gently to stop him.

 

“Hey,” he calls out softly and tugs on Chris’ arm a bit to make him turn “I want you to stay in my room.” He says once Chris is facing him. His words come out soft but firm enough so Chris understands Darren is actually okay with this “It’s fine Chris. The guest room is quite like this actually, just a bit smaller and you already have all your stuff here so, it’s okay”

 

“But,” Chris is ready to fight back, he is stubborn for a reason and that is to stop his friends from doing things like these, but Darren is quick to put a finger over his lips.

 

Chris feels frustrated but allows Darren to speak again.

 

“No, no, no. No more complaining.” Darren lets go of Chris’ arm and turns around to grab his stuff “Make yourself comfortable. Use whatever you need, there are extra blankets in that closet and porno magazines under the bed.”

 

Chris eyes widen and he can feel his cheeks burning already. He hates Darren a little bit for having that effect on him.

 

“You’re an idiot,” he mumbles as a soft laugh escapes his lips.

 

Darren leans against the frame door and smiles cockily. He knows Chris still has one last thing to say to show how much he doesn’t want this, so Darren waits for him to just let it out.

 

“Just for the record” There it is. “I didn’t agree to this.” Darren groans but his grin shows just how little Chris’ stubbornness bothers him “But thanks.” Chris adds with a little grin of his own.

 

“Sure” Darren nods and turns to leave. “I’ll be back in the morning in case someone comes in or something.” He says as he walks out.

 

Chris nods and smirks “Yeah, right. Like you would ever wake up before I do, Mr. I could sleep during the freaking apocalypse” He mumbles loud and clear for Darren to hear.

 

Obviously Darren walks back into the room “Rude.”

 

“It’s true”

 

“Yeah, but still” Darren crosses his arms over his chest. Chris raises and eyebrow. “Okay, fine. It’s completely true. That’s why I expect _you_ to come find me tomorrow morning”

 

Chris laughs but finds himself nodding and muttering a soft ‘okay’ before Darren is walking out the room again.

 

_**SLEEPLESS NIGHTS AND A COFFEE SHOP** _

 

Darren can’t sleep and he feels annoyed. He is tired and his eyes feel heavy but he can’t shut down his brain, no matter how much he wants to or how much he tries. His playlist of relaxing music isn’t helping and by the time the clock on the wall marks midnight Darren gives up and just slumps back against the pillows sighing and tossing his phone somewhere over the covers. He tries closing his eyes for the millionth time in the last thirty minutes without any results.

 

It still happens.

 

Like it has been happening every night for the past four weeks, maybe even more.

 

Endless images of Chris’ face appear in Darren’s mind effortlessly, and a little bit surprisingly. Normally he feels guilty at first, then confused and angry, and then he just gives up and allows it to happen all of it while hating himself, but tonight he isn’t sure he wants to go thought all that. Actually he isn’t even sure that he wants this to stop, because Chris’ smile and his laugh and every detail Darren has stored in his memory are what has him waking up in the morning with the mood of a ray of sunshine.

 

He has tried to convince himself that it doesn’t mean anything, that it’s just a normal procedure when one has a best friend whom you spend almost everyday with, but it’s not like Joey appears in his head every time he closes his eyes before he falls asleep, and he definitely doesn’t think of texting Julia or Lauren as soon as he wakes up.

 

It’s always Chris.

 

And that’s messed up and just wrong, thinking about your friends on a daily basis, okay, that’s acceptable, dreaming bout them in order to have a good nights sleep, not so much. There must be a reason for all the day dreaming and the stupid butterflies (yes, butterflies, something Darren hasn’t felt since high-school), and Darren is not stupid, of course there’s a reason, and he is actually surprised that neither him nor Chris noticed before.

 

Darren has a crush on Chris. Simple as that.  

 

Okay, maybe not so simple. Having a crush on your best friend kind of sucks. Having to pretend you are dating him while trying to get over said crush, well, that sucks even more.

 

Darren groans and covers his face with a pillow. He is in the middle of ignoring his own thoughts and cursing his seemingly trained ability to capture every little detail of Chris’ face when his cellphone buzzes. With the hand that is not holding the pillow Darren pats the covers blindly until he finds it.

 

From Chris: There are no porno magazines here. I will never trust you again.

 

To Chris: You’re still up?

 

From Chris: No. This is Chris’ ghost texting.

 

To Chris: Ghosts masturbate?

 

From Chris: Of course. What do you think they do in their spare time?

 

To Chris: Haunt houses?

 

From Chris: That too. Although I don’t know how it could possibly work.

 

To Chris: the haunting?

 

From Chris: The masturbating. It’s physically impossible.

 

To Chris: Okay, now you’re texting no sense. Go to sleep.

 

From Chris: Fine. You’re boring.

From Chris: Goodnight.

 

To Chris: Goodnight.

To Chris: Have fun with the horny ghosts.

 

Darren reads the text over and over again until he feels his eyes getting heavier, he knows he shouldn’t feel so light and fussy inside after just a couple of texts. He has to get over this little infatuation that’s going on inside his mind and that somehow seems to be spreading all across his body, if the tingle in his fingers every time he touches Chris’ hand or cheek is any indication. He allows himself to have this little moment though, one last slip before he lets his brain take control completely.

 

* * *

 

Chris wakes up early the next morning. He checks his phone and realizes it’s only 7:30, Darren is most definitely still passed out and since he can’t hear voices or footsteps Chris assumes the rest of the family is sleeping too. He could go back to sleep if he wanted to, Darren’s bed is soft and warm, Chris can see the snow falling slowly outside the window and he can almost feel the chilly New York wind blowing a few leaves outside. He tightens the covers a bit around his body and nuzzles his nose against Darren’s pillow.

 

Darren comes over just for holidays and spring break but Chris can detect that ever-present coconut scent Darren seems to have attached to his body, it’s so familiar that Chris buries his nose further in the pillow and gets lot in it for a moment.

 

After a decent amount of time Chris opens his eyes again. It’s the first time since they arrived that Chris actually pays attention to the walls surrounding him. He finds himself surrounded by posters of musicals and rock bands, pictures of a younger Darren and his high school friends, a vast variety of instruments Chris knows Darren can play perfectly. There are a few trophies on a shelf above the TV and more pictures of Chuck and his parents.

 

Chris is attacked by a nostalgic feeling of longing and he wonders how his life would have been if he had met Darren sooner. How different high school would have been. How much his life would have changed. Because Darren appeared out of nowhere and changed Chris’ life in the best way he could have ever imagined. Not that his life had been bad before, he had his family and his sister, but after moving to Michigan Chris had been ready to go back to being the lonely kid with no friends and good grades, something he knew pretty well from high school, he didn’t need people distracting him from his goals after all.

 

But then Darren came around and reminded him of how awesome it was to have people beside your family that truly care about you, he helped Chris discover the feeling of belonging all over again and mostly he encouraged Chris to re-discover that witty young boy who made people laugh until their belly’s hurt with sarcastic comments and smart come backs, that boy with the beautiful high voice that left most of the people with their jaws hanging open in admiration, that boy that Chris had once been but that with the course of the years had ended up buried under battle scars and bad memories.

 

Darren didn’t turn him into someone new, he just helped him go back to himself and start embracing who he was.

 

Without even noticing and with warmth feeling spreading across his chest Chris lets his eyes drift closed and he falls asleep again

 

* * *

 

When Chris wakes up again it ‘s already 9:30. He considers that a decent time to wake someone up, and even if it weren’t, Chris doesn’t want to stay in bed until Darren wakes up because that could actually take forever, so he pushes the covers off his body and lazily tiptoes his way to what he guesses is the guest room.

 

Chris opens the door slowly and lets out a sigh of relive at not getting the room wrong. For all he knows he could have been opening the door to Darren’s parent’s room and that would have definitely been too embarrassing to handle.  Thankfully though, Chris guessed right and as he peeks through the door he can see Darren soundly asleep with the rumpled covers over his body.

 

It’s hard not to smile at the sight. Darren looks younger, with his curly hair going in every direction, his eyelashes fanning subtly over his cheeks, his lips parted slightly to let out the cutest soft puffs of breath and god if he doesn’t look gorgeous.

 

Darren shifts and rolls onto his stomach and Chris now has a full view of the muscles of Darren’s back flexing at the movement, his t-shirt clinging perfectly to his trim waist and the smooth skin of his hip bones peaking just above the waistband of his pants.

 

It’s a bit mesmerizing and Chris stands there for a whole minute just taking in how peaceful Darren looks. 

 

Darren shifts and rolls over again, and Chris realizes the last thing he needs is for Darren to wake up and just find him there…staring, so he turns around and tries to open the door as quiet as possible. Unfortunately every single door in Darren’s house creaks loudly when you move them and Chris doesn’t even have the time to put one foot outside the room before a soft, deep voice is calling his name from behind him.

 

“Chris?”

 

Chris takes a deep breath to calm his racing heart and turns around to find Darren now sitting against the headboard of the bed and rubbing his eyes lazily. It’s like watching a puppy waking up from a nap. “Hi! I was just-“ he walks further into the room and starts pacing back and forth. His lips go dry and having Darren following his every move with his eyes is definitely not helping  “I just-I woke up early and-“

 

“And you missed me?” Darren quirks an eyebrow and his face is almost hopeful.

 

“No. I mean yes but- no, not like-, I just-” Chris babbles nervously and then notices Darren’s body shaking with silent laughter “Just shut up” he hisses and purses his lips.

 

“You’re so adorable Christopher” Darren says fondly and pats the spot next to him on the bed “Now, come here” Chris doubts for a minute but then Darren is pouting and looking up at him with those stupidly big and gorgeous hazel eyes, and Chris is only human, he can’t say no to that. He sits next to Darren making sure to put at least a two foot distance between them but Darren is quick to move closer and snuggle against Chris body, he rests his head on Chris’ shoulder and drapes an arm around his middle “I’m a koala and you know it.” He says and Chris knows he isn’t even sorry “How did you sleep?”

 

It takes a whole of effort from Chris part but he finally manages to calm himself down and have a decent conversation with his friend.

_Best friend Christopher calm down._

 

“Like a baby” he says gingerly and looks down at the mass of limbs cuddling his body.

 

“I’m glad because we have lots of things to do today” Darren yawns and even though Chris can only see the messy curls at the top of his head, he is pretty sure Darren’s eyes are closed.

 

“Well we won’t get them done if you keep drooling all over my shirt,” he reprimands.

 

Darren whines and nuzzles his nose into Chris’ shoulder. “Just five more minutes”

 

Chris laughs lightly but nods “Okay” he whispers and his fingers reach tentatively to play with the curls at the base of Darren’s neck.

 

The content hum that comes from Darren’s mouth is enough to make Chris wish he could stay like these for more than just five minutes.

 

Once again that ‘just-friends’ barrier starts to crumble, or fade or whatever but the only thing Chris knows is that he couldn’t care less.

…………..

 

They make it downstairs half an hour later. Chris blames Darren lack of self-control when it comes to sleeping and Darren blames Chris’ shoulder for being so soft and comfy.

 

Darren’s mom greets them both with a kiss on the cheek and guides them to the counter of the kitchen so they can eat something. Chuck is already there, playing on his cellphone while stuffing some scrambled eggs into his mouth; he looks up briefly to smile and mutters a soft ‘morning’ before returning his whole attention to the game.

 

Chris sits and glances around the kitchen as Darren puts some beacon and the last portion of eggs on a plate. He also pours two mugs of coffee and hands one to Chris.

 

“Is this okay?” he asks placing the single plate brimming with food between them and offering Chris a fork.

 

“Sharing food, uh? We’re that committed already?” Chris asks teasingly and takes a sip from his coffee to hide the smirk tugging at his lips.

 

“Yes” Darren nods as he starts picking some food with his fork “Specially because it’s-“

 

“One less dish to wash. I know” Chris rolls his eyes.

 

“Hey, my hands must be protected so I can become-“

 

“A hand model in case the Broadway thing doesn’t work. I know that too”

 

There’s a moment of complete silence until Darren starts giggling. He glances up smiling brightly and he feels his chest aching- in a good and familiar way- as his eyes meet Chris’. His stomach flutters at the sight of Chris blue eyes studying his face curiously, his cheeks are still a bit flushed after their quick nap, his hair is still a bit messy, and he has the brightest most beautiful smile spread across his face.

 

Darren’s heart races a little bit as he realizes just how much he likes to see that smile.  

 

In a moment of miscommunication between Darren’s hand and brain-because his brain does know where the boundaries of personal space are-he reaches over and brushes a stray strand of hair from Chris’ forehead. “Of course you know,” he says softly.

 

Chris breath hitches and he shivers a little bit when Darren runs his hands gently through his disheveled hair and down the side of his face, his fingers caressing his cheek. Chris wants to push him away and pull him closer, all at the same time. He wants to nuzzle Darren’s hand and drop a light kiss to his knuckles. He needs to; he should be following Darren’s little flirty game after all, right?  But then again Chris can see from the corner of his eye that Chuck isn’t paying attention, his eyes are locked to the screen of his phone and there’s no one else around. There’s no need to pretend.

 

Chris wants to think that Darren isn’t acting. He wants to believe that isn’t trying to sell a lie to his brother or his parents. There’s a chance that he is doing this because he wants to.

 

It’s a possibility but Chris will think about that later.

 

Darren’s eyes widened as he realizes his fingers are still caressing Chris’s skin, he snatches his hand away and whispers a soft ‘sorry’.

 

Chris aches to tell him that he has nothing to apologize for.

 

* * *

 

Darren fucking loves New York.

 

The streets vibrate with life and despite the wind blowing wildly people walk briskly around the corners and into the stores. There are families here and there carrying Christmas presents, people rushing across the street to shield themselves of the cold December air inside the countless coffee shops and restaurants dispersed along 6th avenue and couples walking hand in hand, making their way through the crowded streets, most of them heading towards Central Park.

 

Darren is used to it. The buzz of the people chatting endlessly as they walk up and down the streets, people shoving him and making their way past him, hurrying to whatever it is they have to be, the long line of shops and restaurants and buildings. It’s all part of living in New York and Darren has come to love every single aspect of it.  It’s familiar, it’s safe, it’s home. There are so many memories scattered around the city that Darren’s doesn’t know where to start. Dinners with friends. Failed dates. Drunken nights and impromptu performances at little coffee shops. Things that Darren holds close to his heart and that never fail him to make him smile.

 

If there’s one person Darren wants to share all those things with, that’s Chris.

 

He wants him to feel the trill that runs through Darren veins every time he walks around Broadway Avenue, he wants Chris eyes to sparkle under the lights of Time Square. He wants to stand next to Chris at the Highline and show him the place where he had his first kiss and also the bench nearby where that same girl broke his heart for the very first time.

 

The streets, the places, the memories, Darren can’t wait to re-discover them all and the best part is Chris will be there too this time.

 

* * *

 

Chris loves New York, or at least what he has gotten to see so far.

 

Before leaving the house Darren makes sure to inform Chris about their little ‘itinerary’ which is more like a list of Darren’s favorite places in the city mixed with the places Chris wants to see, thankfully most of them match and the list is long enough to fulfill in one day.

 

Darren’s house is strategically placed just a few blocks away from Central Park and Chris spends half of the time that it takes them to get there thinking about how much having a house in there costs.

 

The other half he spends it allowing the atmosphere of the city wash over him. People are busting in and out of the shops, bags in hand and with a little too much energy in their step if Chris may say, it’s chaotic and a little bit surrealistic but still kind of perfect. It is the city Chris aspires to live and work in at some point in his life. It’s the place he sees inside his head every time someone mentions his future. It’s what he hopes will become his home at some point too and even if it sounds naïve, it is the place where he feels all his aspirations will become reality.

 

“You think too much, Colfer” Darren calls when he notices Chris’ blankly staring at the crowded street in front of them.

 

“Uh?” Chris turns to look at him with a raised eyebrow.

 

“You have that look on your face” Darren points to Chris’ eyes and then moves his finger to poke his forehead “Something big is happening in there”

 

Chris bats Darren’s finger away “I’m just thinking”

 

“I noticed” Darren laughs.

 

He looks ahead and sees a tumultuous group of people blocking the sidewalk as they wait for a store to open; they definitely have to go through the sea of people and just to make sure Darren reaches to grab Chris hand. “Don’t let go.” He says and shoots Chris a bright smile “It’s pretty easy to get lost around here”

 

“Okay, dad” Chris teases and rolls his eyes.

  
“That’s weird. Don’t say it again”

 

Chris lets Darren drag him across the crowd. A few elbows poke his sides and he steps on a few feet but just ten seconds later they’re past the multitude and Chris is thankful for the cold breeze that hits his face. He is ready to stuff his hands back in the pockets of his coat but Darren doesn’t let go of his hand; he grips it a little bit tighter actually. “Are you going to tell me what you’re thinking about?” Darren asks nonchalantly.

 

Chris nods trying to ignore the tingling sensation running across his body as Darren runs a thumb over his knuckles “Future.”

 

“Oh. You mean the wonderful life that awaits for you here?”

 

Chris chuckles “Yeah. Thanks for the vote of confidence Dare, very sweet of you”

 

Darren looks down and he feels his heart clenching at how surprised Chris sounds, “I mean it you know” he whispers, hoping the words are enough to express just how much he believes them.

 

Chris squeezes Darren’ hand back and smiles “I know. Thanks”

 

It just takes them a couple more minutes to reach Central Park and Chris is quite surprised at how fast they actually get there.

 

“So? Ready to start creating some memories here?” Darren asks nudging Chris’ shoulder.

 

Chris smiles and stares at the extension of snow covered trees and grass. He could get used to this. The people, the city and Darren’s hand linked with his. He shouldn’t get used to the last one, and he knows it, but for now, he couldn’t care less about it.

 

Chris nods.

 

“Lead the way, my good sir”

 

Darren smiles and grips Chris hand tighter. He doesn’t let go of it for the rest of their walk.

 

* * *

 

After Central Park they go to The Empire State and walk around Broadway and Time Square until their feet are killing them and their stomachs are grumbling loudly, or at least loud enough for Darren to notice and start teasing Chris about it.

 

Chris has enough pictures stored in his cellphone and he even managed to make a little bit of Christmas shopping while they visited a store on Broadway avenue so when Darren suggests to go back to the house and get the car so they can head to The Highline and get something to eat in the way, Chris is more than happy to follow him.

 

The walk back in silence, their hands are no longer linked due to a little bit of inconvenience while walking but Darren makes sure to keep their shoulders brushing every two minutes or so. Chris, as always, tries not to think about it too much.

 

When they get there Chuck is already waiting at the porch. His nose is red and he keeps rubbing his hands restlessly to soothe the cold a little bit. He looks up when he hears the footstep on the pavement.

 

“Finally! I’m starving.” He proclaims and marches down the steps pressing a button in the key to unlock the car. He tosses the keys at Darren. “I swear I’m not trying to be a third wheel,” he says as he opens the door to the backseat and slides in easily “I just want to spend some time with my little bro and my new little bro, okay?” he adds as Chris and Darren take their respective spots on the front seats. “Just a quick lunch and then you can go back to whatever it is boyfriends do”

 

Chris rolls his eyes and shakes his head. The word boyfriend makes his stomach do a funny flip but he ignores it for the sake of his sanity. He waits for Darren to answer but for the first time he doesn’t. There’s no snarky comment or sarcastic-flirty answer, instead he just laughs lightly, fixes his eyes ahead on the road and starts driving. Chris can see the faintest shade of pink painting his cheeks.

 

* * *

 

 

They have lunch at a little restaurant near The Highline. Chuck asks Chris all kinds of questions about school and his family, and about life in Clovis. Darren is glad to see that Chris doesn’t seem uncomfortable or tense, thankfully Chuck doesn’t dig too deep but doesn’t stay quiet either, he knows just how much to ask, what jokes to make and what embarrassing stories about Darren to share.

 

Darren would complain about it, but the sound of Chris’ laugh is enough to convince him not to.  

 

The food arrives and they devour it while chatting about movies and bands. Chris tells Chuck about the new script he is writing with Nick and Chuck fusses over the new band he is forming. Darren remains quiet, just throwing a few comments here and there, allowing the moment to stretch as long as possible.

 

* * *

 

At The highline Darren guides Chris to the exact same bench where he had his first kiss with his very first girlfriend, then a few feet further another bench where his little fourteen year old heart got broken after she decided one of Darren’s friends was cuter and broke up with him and lastly to that ice-cream store he had discovered that same night.

 

Chris laughs wholeheartedly all the while, showing his teeth and squinting his nose and Darren wants nothing more than to pull him closer and just hold him.

 

Darren really wants to hold Chris, so he does.

 

He stares at his face for a few seconds while taking a few steps closer just to make sure he isn’t over stepping, but Chris just smiles and raises an eyebrow inquisitively, Darren takes that as his cue and throws his arms around Chris’s shoulders pulling him into a tight hug.

 

Chris lets out a breathy laugh “What are you doing?” he asks softly, for a moment his arms rest awkwardly at his sides but he eventually wraps them around Darren’s waist.

 

“I’m cold” Darren whispers and buries his nose in the crook of Chris’ neck.

 

Chris hums “Chuck is behind us, isn’t he?”

 

Darren looks at the empty spot behind them and then a few feet to his left where his brother is sitting on a bench, looking down at his cellphone.

 

“Yes” he whispers.

 

Chris laughs again and turns his head slightly to nuzzle his nose into Darren’s hair “Then let’s keep this professional” he says softly.

 

* * *

 

 

A few pictures and stories later, they’re back on the road. The ride back passes by far more quickly than Chris expected and soon they’re parking in front of Darren’s house again.

 

“Well that was fun gentlemen,” Chucks says as he opens the door and steps outside. “Have fun and call if you’re going to be late”

 

“Okay, mom!” Darren answers. Chuck smiles and gives them a little wave before disappearing through the front door.

 

Chris looks at Darren and raises an eyebrow “I’m guessing we’re not going home yet.”

 

“There’s one more place I want to show you” Darren explains as he turns the engine again.

 

“Really?” Chris asks, curiosity bubbling inside him. “What is it?”

 

“You’ll see” Darren says softly and starts driving.

 

* * *

 

Whatever it is Chris was expecting is definitely not what Darren had in mind.

 

They’re standing in front of a small coffee shop, there are just a couple of tables outside but because of the weather most of the people stay inside after ordering. Chris can sense the smell of coffee and the warmth that radiates from the place and he can’t help but feel a bit charmed not only by the place but by the way it makes Darren’s smile shine so brightly.

 

“You’ll love it, I promise.” Darren assures and opens the door for Chris to step in.

 

Darren follows Chris close behind, his fingers brushing Chris’ lower back ever so lightly to guide him to the back of the shop where there’s a little stage with a few tables around it and a few instruments scattered around the floor.

 

“I used to come here every day after school” Darren starts explaining as he takes a seat on the table right in front of the tiny stage.

 

Chris feels as his heart might explode at how happy Darren looks.

 

“To play?” Chis offers and looks around at the crammed space.

 

“Of course.”

 

“Such a rock star.” Chris teases but his expression quickly softens as he imagines a young Darren up in that stage singing his heart out for a group of strangers. Chris beams at him. “Your audience must miss you then.”

 

Before Darren can answer there’s a soft voice coming from behind Chris “We do.” he snaps his head up and turns a little bit on his seat to look behind him. There’s a girl with long brown hair and big blue eyes, probably in her twenties, walking towards their table. “We really do.” she places the tray on the table and walks around it, soon Darren is standing up and throwing his arms around the girls’ shoulders.

 

“Laura!” Darren says fondly.

 

“I can’t believe you,” the girl says as his arms tighten around Darren’s waist “Two years! Two years since you left and this is the first time you stop by to visit!”

 

Darren laughs and pulls back a little bit, just enough to meet her eyes “That’s not true!”

 

“It is!” she snaps back and pulls him back in “But I forgive you just because you leave good tips.”

 

Darren laughs again and Chris feels as though he is intruding in some very intimate moment between Darren and someone he clearly adores.

 

The girl – Laura- finally lets go of Darren. She smiles dopily at him for a few seconds before her eyes fall on Chris “Hi!” She says sweetly and takes a few steps towards him.

 

“Hi,” Chris answers putting on his best smile and offering a hand to her.

 

“Laura this is Chris,” Darren steps in and for the first time since Laura arrived his eyes meet Chris’,  “He is my-“

 

“Boyfriend?” Laura offers giving both boys a suspicious-or is it hopeful?- look.

 

“Friend,” Darren corrects her and ignores the look Chris gives him, a mixture of confusion and honest surprise “Best friend” he is quick to add.

 

“It’s so nice to finally meet you Chris,” she says and actually leans in to give him a brief hug.

 

“You too” Chris breathes out a bit taken aback.

 

“Laura is the owner of the coffee shop” Darren explains as they go back to their seats “Or at least that’s what she says.”

 

“I’m not,” she protests and glares at Darren “My parents are. I just work here part time, as any other struggling college student.”

 

Darren rolls his eyes and stands “You’re a responsible adult now. I don’t like you anymore.”

 

Chris chuckles and Laura sticks her tongue out.

 

“I’m going to get us some coffee okay?” Darren informs as he stands and struts towards the growing line of costumers at the front of the store.

 

In an instant Laura’s bright eyes are on Chris, her gaze so intense and piercing that Chris has to bite his lips not to smile at the fact that she looks exactly like Darren the first time they met. Curious and bouncy, waiting to make a new friend.

 

“So, where do you go to?” Chris asks trying not to sound as uncomfortable as he feels.

 

“Pace.” She says simply “Musical Theatre as well.”

 

“That’s awesome.”

 

“I know!” She says in a burst of excitement, opening her eyes wide and shooting Chris her best smile. “Thanks.”

 

“Do you sing here too?” Chris asks looking around.

 

“Sometimes.” She says bashfully “It increases the tips.”

 

Chris smiles “You must be amazing then.”

 

“Thanks. You must be amazing too, I mean, countertenor, that’s just…wow.” She points at Chris smiling “You would increase the tips too.”

 

“Wha-how did you know that?“

 

She looks at him through her eyelashes and smirks “Darren told me.”

 

“He did?”

 

“Yeah!” she answers waving a hand aimlessly “Like a thousand times” She laughs, the sound somehow calming to Chris’ ears. “It’s cute. You two are cute.”

 

Chris shakes his head “What do you mean?”

 

“Just that you’re cute, nothing more.”

 

“Who is cute?” Darren asks as he places a tray with three cups of steaming coffee over the table.

 

“Chris.” Laura replies and grabs her cup “I’m asking him out on a date.”

 

“What? You’re flirting with her?” he asks Chris pouting.

 

Chris shrugs “We never said we were exclusive Darren. I’m sorry.”

 

Laura chuckles and almost spills her coffee all over the table.

 

“Gross.” Darren says feigning a disgusted expression.

 

“Shut up.”

 

There’s a ding coming from somewhere behind the bar and then a young boy is calling for Laura  “I have to go back to work guys, but don’t worry, those are on the house, okay?” she points to the cups and smiles reassuringly before walking away.

 

“She’s really sweet” Chris says as soon as Laura is out of sight.

 

Darren tips his head to the side grinning “She is. And she seems to like you.”

 

“Well, I’m loveable”

 

Darren nods “That you are, you little friend thief.”

 

“Not my fault she already knew so much about me.” Chris says teasingly patting his chin with his index finger. “I wonder how that happened.”

 

Darren hums “I have no clue.”

 

* * *

 

 

As they’re leaving Chris makes sure to hug Laura goodbye just to make up for that awkward hug from earlier, she squeezes him back and makes him promise that he’ll be back at least once before they head back to Michigan. Chris nods and thanks her again for the coffee before walking out the door.

 

“He is really cute “she says as Darren steps next to her looking through the glass doors to where Chris is leaning against the car. She bumps his shoulder “Can I keep him?”

 

“What?” Darren says dramatically looking at her friend like she just lost her mind  “No way. He is my friend, my Chris, go get yours.”

 

“He is not a lollipop Darren.” She says and his eyebrows shot up as a mischievous smile appears on her lips “Unless you get a little bit creative. “

 

“Oh my god, stop right there, you dirty little human. You bring shame to the Osnes family”

 

“First of all, fuck you, and secondly, I’m not dumb, ‘we’re just friends’ my ass, I don’t believe it for a second.”

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 

“Darren Everett Criss, stop acting like an idiot. You radiate happiness, puppies and rainbows when you look at him. And he does too. It’s disgustingly cute. Not to mention the fact that in the past two years I’ve spent at least half of our conversations listening about him.”

 

“That’s not true.” Darren says defensively.

 

“Honey, don’t fool yourself,” she says condescendingly and grabs Darren by the shoulders to make him turn so they’re face to face “You light up like the freaking sun whenever he is around.”

 

“Fuck” Darren mutters and hangs his head.

 

“What?”  Laura answers glancing back to Chris and then to Darren’s worried face “Is he straight?”

 

“No.”

 

“Does he have a hot boyfriend back in Michigan?”

 

“No that I know of.”

 

“Do you have a boyfriend back in Michigan?”

 

“No”

 

“Girlfriend?”

 

“No”

 

“Then I don’t see the problem here. You’re cute, he’s cute, you can get married and have cute babies!” she claps excitedly and bounces lightly.

 

Darren laughs, “You are a crazy woman Laura Osnes.” He says fondly and pulls her in for a tight hug. “And you know I love your advices but this is too complicated.”

 

“Oh no, that’s the cheesiest line in the history of everything.” she pulls away and punches Darren’s arm. “You have to ask him out!”

 

“Of course not” Darren says forcefully “Laur I don’t-we don’t even-“

 

“You have to.” She says a bit exasperated “Also if you don’t I’ll go to dinner tomorrow nigh with a bag full of mistletoes and hang them all around the house, I don’t care who has to kiss who but by the end of the night you’ll have kissed Chris.”

 

“I don’t think so.”

 

“Why do you have to be so stubborn?”

 

“To prevent myself from listening to your ideas that will most likely creep my best friend out?”

 

“Paranoid much?”

 

“It’s true!”

 

“No, it’s not. Come on Dare, just give it a shot.”

 

Darren throws his arms up and groans exasperatedly “Ugh, fine. But no mistletoes or I swear to god-“

 

“What? You’ll jump and try to reach me up here little one.”

 

Darren opens and closes his, mouth trying to find a good come back, but it’s Laura, she will always find something even better to his answer so he just settles with the classic. “I hate you.”

 

* * *

 

Darren is not sure of what he wants to do anymore. Just last night he had been sure that even though having a crush on Chris was not something he expected to happen it didn’t exactly scare him, it worried him, yes, but it had been bearable.

 

Today, however, things got a little off hand as they toured around NY, and then at The Highline with all the hugging and how good Chris’ arms felt around Darren’s waist, the warmth of his body surrounding him like a blanket and making him feel safe.

 

Darren looks ahead to the road as if waiting for an answer to appear right before his eyes, but it doesn’t. This is something he’ll have to figure out on his own, no help from his brother, Laura or the universe, just him, and his feelings. And he’ll have to do it soon enough not to hurt Chris in the process.

* * *

 

Dinner goes by smoothly and far less awkward than the night before. Darren’s parents spend most of the time explaining to Chris what usually happens at their Christmas dinners, they tell him about all the people that attend –mostly family members- and about the little sing off that takes place after everyone is tipsy enough to sing in front of a crowd. Darren explains how they take turns to open presents and Chuck takes the time to give him a tour around their genealogic tree, just to make sure Chris knows who he’ll be saying ‘hello’ to tomorrow night.

 

It’s something new for Chris, his Christmas dinners have always been far less crowded, his family is not that numerous and sometimes it even reduces to just him, his parents and Hannah and he has never complained about it simply because he loves and treasures every single minute of it. The intimacy and safety of just him and his family is something he’ll never come to get tired of.

 

It still excites him though, to be able to live the other side of the coin for once.

 

When dinner is over Chuck convinces everyone to join him on a little pre-Christmas movie marathon, another family tradition according to Darren, and fifteen minutes later Chris finds himself on the living room couch next to Darren and his parents watching the credits of ‘Home Alone’ roll down the screen.

 

It’s not that Chris feels uncomfortable with sharing personal space or a blanket with Darren, no, of course not, they’ve done this before at movie night with the Starkids, it’s a natural aspect of their friendship, being close and touchy, and this should not be different.

 

But then again, it is. Because in movie night Chris doesn’t have Darren draping one arm around his middle or his head resting heavily on his shoulder with a few curls tickling Chris neck. In movie night they don’t end up falling asleep on said couch, with their limbs tangled and Chris’ body pressed up against the back of the ouch with Darren’s resting heavily half on top of him.

 

Chris doesn’t remember how it happened, he does have a few flashbacks about Darren groaning and not wanting to leave he couch, and he probably agreed and just laid back just so they could go back to sleep.

 

However it is that it happened Chris only knows that when he wakes up he feels a weird warmth running all across his body and it’s not until he opens his eyes and manages to rub off the blurriness that he realizes that it’s Darren’s body covering his, as if he didn’t have enough reasons to be re-considering the whole dating plan.

 

Darren opens his eyes too, realization hitting him hard and causing him to jump back while muttering a soft ‘sorry man’. He ends up falling on the floor.

 

“Holy mother of-“ he complains from where he is sprawled over the carpet. “We’re never sleeping on this couch again.”

 

Chris could start freaking out about what ‘we’re not sleeping’ means, but then Darren starts complaining about how much his butt hurts and Chris can’t help but laugh, the tension vanishing from the air.

 

**_CHRISTMAS EVE_ **

 

The day passes in a whirlwind of Christmas carols and cooking. Darren’s parents dance around the kitchen all morning putting things in bowls and checking the food inside the oven. Chuck goes out to get the desserts and drags Chris along with him, Darren protests and pouts but it doesn’t work and he is left alone cleaning up the living room and any room the guests could have access to.

 

When they’re back two hours later- late Christmas shopping on Chuck’s side being the reason for that- the house is already shinning and spotless. Darren is sprawled on the couch, one arm covering his face and the other resting heavily over his chest.

 

“One man down, mom. How many more victims will this Christmas party claim?” Chuck asks dramatically as he disappears through the kitchen door.

 

Chris walks towards the couch and kneels next to Darren’s head “Did the leaving room beat you?”

 

“It finished me. God, I don’t think I’ve ever cleaned up so much in my life.”

 

Chris laughs lightly and runs his fingers through Darren’s curls “There’s a first time for everything.”

 

“Yes, and a last one too. I’m never doing that again.” He blinks his eyes open and smiles as soon as Chris’ face comes into focus “Hello there, dessert boy”

 

“Hi.” Chris answers retreating his hand and looking down at his friend with a shy little smile.

 

“What took you guys so long?” Darren asks stretching his legs and looking for a more comfortable position on the couch.

 

“We were doing some last minute Christmas shopping” Chris explains and stands stretching his arms over his head. “Are you ready to come back to life? There’s still a lot to do.”

 

“Five more minutes? I think I inhaled every single spec of dust floating around this house.”

 

“I don’t think so. Your mom is going crazy in there, she needs all the hands she can get.”

 

Darren groans but eventually incorporates slowly until he is standing next to Chris. “You are such a kind gentleman. No wonder why my mom adores you.”

 

“Just trying to impress the future in laws” Chris jokes and pats Darren’s shoulder “This was your idea after all.”

 

“Yeah, yeah. Getting a fake boyfriend that is the perfect example of a fine human being, such a brilliant plan.”

 

“It was your brilliant plan if it makes you feel better.”

 

“And you’re funny too. My family is going to love you.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

“Well, I know I do.” Without thinking it twice Darren leans in a brushes his lips against Chris cheek, so fast and gentle that Chris could have mistaken it for just a breeze of air if it weren’t for the fact that his heart is going crazy and he can still catch the scent of Darren’s cologne. “Come on, all the hands she can get, remember?”

 

Darren walks away but Chris is left behind with too many things inside his head, and the ghost of Darren’s breath warm and close to his skin.

 

* * *

 

It’s a little past ten and the house is bursting with people. Chris had never imagined Darren’s family to be so numerous but here he is surrounded by at least thirty people that are somehow related to the Criss’ family.

 

Most of the aunts and uncles are what Chris is used to, pinching cheeks addicts who ask a lot about school and Chris’ family and it’s not until Darren’s father come into the living room to tell everyone dinner is ready that he has the space to escape for a while.

 

He heads to the kitchen, the only place not crowded with people and takes his time to check his phone and answer every single text Lauren has sent him ever since they left Michigan. Most of them are angry rants about how he is the worst friend in the world for not answering her texts, some others are practically love letters-thanks to the Christmas spirit Chris thinks- in which she makes sure to mention how lucky she is to have Chris in her life, and the remaining ones in his inbox are from friends from high school and people in Michigan.

 

He is too busy answering one of Lauren’s long texts that he doesn’t listen the kitchen door opening or the sound of heels clicking against the tiles of the floor. It’s not until Chris hears someone clearing their throat that he looks up. It's one of Darren's aunts -the funny one who spent ten minutes throwing compliments to Chris' hair- she is staring pointedly at him with a huge smile on her face and he suspects it has something to do with the half empty glass of wine in her hand. She doesn't say anything though and just stands next to Chris and starts helping with the cookies.

 

“So Chris,” she starts with a condescending tone “How is New York treating you?”

 

“Oh, it’s been great.” He answer condescendingly.

 

“That’s amazing sweetheart.” She says sweetly “I’m glad you’re happy and that Darren is too. Last time I saw him he was,” she scrunches her nose  “Heartbroken”

 

Chris stills his hand and looks at the woman curiously. He doesn’t have to ask because she is immediately talking again. “You know, the whole breaking up with Laura thing and her staying here, it was a mess. I don’t think he ever got over it.”

 

Chris stares at the woman for a few more seconds until his cellphone buzzes breaking every train of thought going on inside Chris’ head, Darren’s aunt takes that as his cue to leave. “Well, thanks for taking care of my nephew Chris, really you are a good young man.”

 

“Thanks.” Is all Chris manages to answer.

 

She pats Chris’ cheek and disappears through the door oblivious to what she just did to Chris’ head. Confusion is not even enough to explain it.

 

“Hey.” Darren walks in just a few seconds after “What are you doing here? We’re about to serve dinner, I saved you a seat!”

 

Chris wants to ask so badly, his heart is begging him to, but his brain knows it wouldn’t be something he’d want to heart, at least not at the moment.

 

“Uh, yeah, thanks.”

 

“Come on.” Darren urges and grabs Chris hand. They’re about to walk out the door when Darren stops dry. “Oh, no.” He simply says and lets go of Chris’ hand. “Is Laura already here?”

 

“What?” Chris asks putting his hands in his pockets.

 

Darren doesn’t say anything; he just points his finger up and smiles wide “Mistletoe.” He simply says.

 

Chris looks up and his heart almost stops, he looks back down at Darren trying to hide the mortification he is feeling inside and he is about to go over a rant about how they don’t have to do anything they don’t want to when Darren clasps his shoulders firmly. “We don’t have to do anything, okay?” he says seriously and then smiles reassuringly.

 

Chris feels his pulse quickening, Darren is so close, his breath ghosting over Chris’ cold lips and it would only take a one-millimeter movement to seal their lips together. Of course that’s not something Chris is thinking about, no , he is thinking about how he should take a few steps back and get away from Darren’s personal space.

 

“Look at that!” someone shouts from the hallway, Chris is pretty sure it’s one of Darren’s uncles “Mistletoe. Very convenient boys!”

 

Darren sighs and looks down because things couldn’t possibly get more awkward or embarrassing. “Sorry” he mutters rubbing his temples “They’re very enthusiastic about Christmas.”

 

Chris laughs nervously and bites his lip “It’s okay.”

 

Darren nods “Good.” The clinking of forks and plates being settled against wood is sign enough of the fact that they should head to the dinning room but Darren doesn’t even flinch, in fact he just takes one step closer to Chris, if that’s even possible. “I mean, it’s still a Christmas law and I don’t want to get arrested by Santa or anything so…”

 

Darren leans in without any warning and presses his lips gently against the corner of Chris’ mouth; he lingers for just two seconds and pulls away. “There. Now we’re safe.”

 

Chris wants to answer, say something clever or funny to hide the fact that he is about to collapse into a babbling mess but Darren is quick to grab his hand back and pull him towards where the rest of his family is.

 

Chris has no choice but to follow.

 

* * *

 

Dinner goes perfectly. The first few minutes are a bit awkward but then the conversations flow easily. Laura arrives just a little after everyone starts eating, she drags a chair and sits next to Darren, not before giving Chris a big kiss on the cheek, and starts talking to whoever is willing to listen.

 

 The food is on point, the wine tastes delicious and the dessert is chocolaty enough to have Darren moaning ridiculously loud as he takes the first bite.

 

It’s a pretty amazing Christmas dinner Chris has to admit.

 

And Chris would be enjoying it if it weren’t because he is getting more attention than he would like to. Aunts and uncles ask about school and his family an for a minute Chris just wants to hide under the table and take a break but then Darren slips his hand in his and trades their fingers together, and even though Chris still feels as though he is in some kind of interrogatory he doesn’t feel so scared anymore.

 

Well, he does feel scared, terrified even, but all the attention is not the reason, Darren gently running his thumb over Chris’ knuckles, well that’s another story.

 

They pinpoint from politics to the latest TV show someone watched, from music to climate change and in no time the more intimate topics are set on top of the table.

 

A few embarrassing stories about Darren’s cousins are exchanged but since he is the one everyone sees the least Darren inevitably becomes the center of attention and Chris doesn’t know if he should be grateful for that or terrified because the conversation is staring to take a turn that he really didn’t want to face.

 

Most of them remember and talk about Laura and all the time she spent with Darren, all the family dinners she attended to and every single way in which she used to fit in Darren’s life. Doing homework after school, singing at the coffee shop, going together to prom, each memory bringing a new wave of fondness and melancholy and Chris can see it, he sees it in the way Darren’s eyes shine and how his lips curve into the sweetest smile he’s ever seen. Laura on the other hand just rolls his eyes constantly but always smiles back to Darren, their eyes locking and almost matching perfectly.

 

And then Chris starts thinking about all the ways in which _he_ fits into Darren’s life. Everything they’ve gone through, the last two years of getting to know each other and then becoming this weird combination of friendship and something more they never defined, something much stronger that just a friendship bond and so scary at the same time that neither of them bothered to pay attention to.

 

Something that never was enough to give Chris the courage to come out clean to Darren and confess how he felt, something that right now is making his chest ache and his eyes water a little bit.

 

“Are you okay?” Darren asks softly, his eyes studying Chris’ face carefully.

 

He nods. “I’m going to call home, okay?” Chris whispers, trying to hide the tremble in his voice, and reluctantly letting go of Darren’s hand. Darren gives him a worried look but Chris’ smile is enough to ease whatever concern going on inside his head.

 

The conversation carries on after Chris leaves and Darren gets lost in childhood histories and it’s not until Laura pokes his side gently and gives him a weird look that Darren realizes something’s wrong. He looks next to him to Chris’ empty seat and it hits him like a ton of bricks falling all over him, it’s been almost half an hour and Chris still isn’t back.

* * *

 

“Did you find him?” Laura asks worriedly sitting next to Darren at the kitchen counter.

 

“No. He won’t answer his phone.” Darren says sounding defeated and placing his own phone, maybe with too much force, on the counter. “This was too much. He must hate me.”

 

“I’m sure that’s not true.” Laura assures, her voice so soothing and comforting that Darren almost believes her. “I mean, yeah the whole fake dating idea was a mess,” she observes recalling every single detail Darren gave him about what happened in the past two days. “But I don’t think he is capable of hating you.”

 

Darren sighs and burrows his face in his arms. He screwed it up. He scared Chris, just what he wanted to avoid. He probably ruined the best thing in his life and all because of a stupid crush and a dumb lie.

 

“Darren?” Laura calls carefully, Darren looks up and the sadness on his face could almost break her heart. “Did you check the backyard? I mean there’s a nice little table back there, with a little light and all.”

 

“I did. Twice. “

 

“You might want to check again.”

 

“I already did Laur, why would-“ Darren stops midsentence and his eyes go wide when he turns on the stool and catches a glimpse of Chris profile across the window above the sink. “He’s there.” He whispers mostly to himself.

 

“No! Really? I didn’t notice.”

 

“Fine, fine. I get it. Don’t get all sarcastic on me.” A million and one things are running around Darren’s head, a million and one things that don’t even have an answer but he couldn’t care less at the moment. He just needs to talk to Chris.

 

He takes two long steps towards the door but stops with his hand on the doorknob.

 

“What are you doing?” Laura asks softly.

 

“I-I don’t know.” He says and his voice comes out as a mere whisper. “I’m scared, I guess.”

 

She furrows her eyebrows “Of what?”

 

Darren takes a deep breath and slumps his shoulders. “Of what’ll happen next.”

 

Laura sighs and pats his cheek. “You’ll never know if you don’t ask honey.”

 

Darren nods, he hates it when she is right. “Yeah, I guess.”

 

Laura sighs and grabs Darren by the shoulders to make him turn “Hey, look at me.” She commands sweetly. “You care about him right?”

 

“Of course.” Darren answers immediately because there couldn’t possibly be a more obvious answer to that.

 

“He is you best friend.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“And you love him.”

 

“I do.”

 

The words com out in a rush and Darren doesn’t catch up with what the just said immediately, when he does though, he doesn’t feel scared just a bit surprised at how right it felt to say it.

  
“There it is.” Laura says pleased. “Now go get him.”

 

“You are a tricky person Laura Osnes.”

 

“Go!” she urges and pushes him not so gently towards the door. “And call me tomorrow!” she adds as the door opens and then closes again.

 

Whatever happens out there Laura is sure she won’t be getting that call any time soon. She only hopes it is because Darren is too busy making out with Chris and not because he got heartbroken all over again.

 

* * *

 

The air is blowing wildly but Chris doesn’t care. He is enjoying it actually. It feels good to have the cold December air moving his hair and numbing his nose. He rubs his gloved hands together for the fifth time and then puts them back inside his pockets. The door behind him creaks open and Chris doesn’t need to look back to know who it is.

 

“It’s freezing.” Darren says sitting next to him on the steps.

 

“Yeah, a little bit.” Chris answers a bit defensively tightening his arms around his own body.

 

“What are you doing here?” Darren asks, and his voice finally gives in, reveling all the fear he hadn’t allowed himself to show before. Chris shrugs. “You scared me you know?” Darren continues once he realizes Chris won’t talk. “I thought you left.”

 

“I did leave.” Chris finally says after a few painful seconds of waiting. “I took a walk around the block and then came back.”

 

“Why?”

 

Chris doesn’t answer; he just looks back to the door that leads to the kitchen. “You and Laura make a very cute couple.” He mutters smiling.

 

 “Chris-“

 

“Look, I don’t know what happened between you two in the past, but it’s clear that you adore each other.” Chris explains and stands, he needs to put some distance with Darren or else he’ll just lose his though façade and fall into the same void of confusing feelings and false hopes that will distract him from his newest plan of convincing Darren that he has to fix things with Laura.

 

“I do love her. She is my best friend.” Darren assures. “And yes we dated almost three years ago.” Darren leaves the steps too and follows Chris. “We were going to apply to MU together actually, but she decided not to in the end.” He sighs. “It broke my heart.”

 

“See? It was destiny.” Chris exclaims throwing his arms in the air and waving his hands around “This trip was for you to see her and fix your problems with her.”

  
“Oh no, no, mister.” Darren says shaking his head stubbornly. “First of all my problems with her were fixed before I left for Michigan. We talked things through and hugged and then I left and we’ve been good friends since then.”

 

“Yeah, but-“

 

“Stop it, Chris. Why are you being so stubborn about it?”

 

“Me? You are being a pain in the ass!” Chris answers giving Darren a frustrated look. “I’m trying to help. Darren, you’re my best friend, I know you, and I can see the way you look at her.”

 

“You don’t!”

 

“I do!”

 

Darren groans. He can’t hold it any loner, he feels frustrated and tired and he just wants Chris to understand that if there’s one person he needs to fix things with, well that’s him. But Chris won’t let it go, not matter how many times Darren tries to tell him things with Laura are over, that’s just how Chris is, persistent and determined to help people discover what’s going on inside their heads and hearts. Even if it means neglecting his own feelings. He won’t drop it unless Darren finds a way to make him forget about it.

 

And fortunately he does.

 

In a rush of courage Darren manages to catch up with Chris and clasp his shoulder gently to make him turn and pull him in until their lips are brushing. Their lips press firmly against each other but before Darren can’t finish processing what he just did Chris is pushing him away.

 

“Stop, Darren.” He pleads with a trembling voice, pressing his palms firmly against Darren’s chest. “Stop it.”

 

Darren backs away, hurt and confusion written all over his features.

 

“I mean it Darren. I can’t keep doing this.”

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

Chris groans frustrated and covers his face with his hands “Everything.” He mumbles. The word vomit is coming but he honestly couldn’t care less. “You come into my life and change everything and then I stupidly fall even more for you despite the fact that all of this is a big lie!” When Chris looks back up he finds Darren’s eyes practically burning his skin, his gaze so intense Chris has to look away. “Sorry.” He mutters.

 

“It’s not a lie.” Darren says sighing, and he looks so small and vulnerable that Chris wishes he could erase everything that just happened.

 

“What?” he asks, his voice small and almost careful.

 

“It’s not- this, we are not a lie.” He repeats waving his hands frantically between the two.

 

“Darren I-“

 

Darren’s next movement is a little bit uncoordinated, his legs respond faster than he expected and suddenly he is strutting towards Chris, grabbing his face with both of his hands and pulling him in until he can clash their mouths together again.

 

Their lips meet sloppily, their noses bump and Darren’s lips feel cold and dry but this time Chris has no intention of pushing him away, instead he grabs the front of his coat and pulls him closer. Darren lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and it goes right into Chris lungs, the air warm and somehow familiar.

 

Their lips glide smoothly over each other and shiver runs up and down Chris’ body as Darren traces his tongue over his lower lip teasingly. Chris feels how his heart beats rapidly inside his chest, and how his stomach flutters at every shift of their mouths and the only way he finds to anchor himself in the moments is to tighten his grasp on Darren’s coat.

 

They slowly come back down to reality, the kiss slowing down in pace and intensity, until with one last chaste peck on the lips Darren pulls away just enough to rest hid forehead against Chris.

 

“We’re not a lie. I don’t want us to be.” he says breathlessly and gently lowers his arms until they’re securely locked around Chris’ waist.

 

“You,” Chris jabs a finger at Darren’s face and licks his lips. “You are an idiot.”

 

“Way to kill the mood.” Darren whispers and places another kiss to Chris’ cold lips taking him completely off guard. “You’re lucky I like you so much.”

 

“ You do?” Chris asks teasingly.

 

“I do.” Darren assures.

 

Chris untangles himself from Darren and holds a hand out; Darren gladly accepts it and gives it a little squeeze. “Now what?” Chris asks biting his lips, nervousness trying to take over him for the first time.

 

“We go inside. I don’t want my boyfriend to freeze to death on Christmas!”

 

“Boyfriend?” Chris asks, a mischievous smile on his lips.

 

“Oh, sorry, I mean- I thought we-“ Darren starts to ramble but he is cut midsentence by Chris’ laugh.

 

“I was joking.” he says grinning widely. “Humor. A concept you should consider learning.”

 

Darren rolls his eyes and punches Chris’ arm softly. “That’s evil. I’m breaking up with you.”

 

Chris giggles and reaches his hand to grab Darren’s and lace their fingers together. “Good. Then we can pretend we’re dating next year too.”

 

“No! Maybe next year we should pretend we’re engaged!” Darren offers excitedly.

 

“Darren.” Chris calls softly just as Darren is about to open the door. He looks up hopeful and nuzzles Chris’ hand as it comes up to cradle his cheeks. “Shut up.” He says seriously.

 

Darren laughs wholeheartedly launching forward to tackle Chris in a hug and in that moment it doesn’t matter that the wind is ruffling their hair or that Laura and everyone are waiting inside, as Chris hugs him back and holds him tight Darren feels every doubt he had before washing away.

 

There’s no need to doubt or to be scared anymore. Sure, they’ll find some problems along the way, who doesn’t? But Darren is sure they’ll find a way to solve them. Like they always have and like they hopefully always will.

 

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Well lovelies, here it is, finally finished, my collaboration for the CCBB! I hope you enjoyed it and please go check out the amazing art made by the lovely Shannen.(I'll leave the link as soon as she posts it on tumblr!) Also special thanks to Lauri for being the best beta one can ask for and for alway cheering me up while writing this.


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